


By Morning Light

by germanjj



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Coda, First Time, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 12:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3487661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/germanjj/pseuds/germanjj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath of Matty's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	By Morning Light

**Author's Note:**

> set right after 5.04
> 
> I'm not super happy with this finished little piece, but I've been rewriting and tweaking for weeks now and there's a point when it's not gonna get any better no matter what. And I desperately needed something more after that episode. So I hope you like it anyway :)

The road just doesn’t end. It goes on, turn after turn, and they’re still not home. Danny is barely keeping it together next to him, fidgeting so much that Steve is ready to pull over any second if Danny has to get out. 

His partner’s shifting in his seat, swaying back and forth, his hands alternating between rubbing his face and nibbling on his pants. Steve’s trying to keep his eyes on the road but he can see from the corner of his eye how Danny’s face is a mask of horror and pain.

Steve swallows heavily. He’s driving as fast as he can and still it seems like they’re not even moving.

“Almost there, Danny,” he says quietly, his right shoulder hurting from gripping the wheel too tight.

It’s almost midnight, the sky dark but the streets are busy as ever, and Steve is almost appalled by the fact how the world just keeps on spinning, maintaining its regular schedule. He remembers feeling like that when his Mom died. And then his Dad. 

“You know I love you, right?” Danny asks, a shaky breath rattling through his throat.

“What?”

“I love you,” he repeats, and Steve risks a quick glance. There’s an expression on Danny’s face that makes Steve’s insides turn.  
“I don’t tell you enough. I don’t tell anyone enough. I should have told Matty more and now I can’t.”

“Danny.” 

“I can’t. He doesn’t know and now I’ll never be able to tell him that,” Danny goes on and Steve’s reaching for him, grabbing the hand that’s been fumbling over Danny’s left leg as if he’s desperately trying to straighten the drenched, dirty fabric.

“Danny,” Steve has a hard time keeping his eyes on the road. “Come on, Matty knew. He knew how much you loved him. And I know you love me, okay? Hey, you even told me yesterday!”

Yesterday feels like a lifetime ago. Or was it the day before? Today? Steve’s not even sure. The world has tilted on its axis in the last 24 hours.

They’re on their way home. Finally, finally home. After the flight back from Columbia, after bribing their way through officials to take Mathew with them, his body and a ton of questions is safely stored away at the morgue here on Hawaii, waiting for them for the next day. Chin and Kono know the most of it: that Matty’s dead, that Reyes is dead, and that Steve and Danny are unharmed. 

That’s it. Nothing left to do for today but to get Danny home. The rest of the world has got to wait.

“No, yes, I told you but I said it like a joke, I was joking and I need you to know that I meant it, that I mean it right now, that I’m not joking. I love you, Steve. And I really, really need you to know that.”

Steve swallows heavily, tightens his grip on Danny’s hand. “I know, Danno. I know. I love you, too.”

Steve doesn’t let go of Danny all the way back home.

 

They’re stopping at Steve’s place. He parks the car and gets Danny out of it, has to run around the vehicle and open the door for his partner, who’s staring blankly at nothing, and Steve knows exactly the horror Danny is seeing right now.

“Come on,” he leads him into the house, closing the door behind them. Danny stumbles a few more steps on his own as if he’s unable to walk without Steve’s hand against the small of his back. He stops in the middle of the living room. Just standing there, breathing. 

For a moment, time stills, everything stills. Steve hovers by the door, watching his partner.

There’s the look of pure agony on Danny’s face and Steve can barely stand to see it. And then he’s rushing forward, getting to him just as Danny starts to break, just as the sobs are wrenching themselves from his throat, his knees giving in, his whole body rebelling against the knowledge of what had happened.

“Danny, Danny.” Steve catches him in time, has his arms around him, tight enough to stop Danny from throwing punches, from hurting both of them in the process.

“Come on, let’s get you washed up.” Steve maneuvers them across the living room down the hall to the bathroom. He’s eager to get the clothes off of Danny, the clothes he found his brother dead in, the clothes he shot a man in. 

Danny let’s Steve manhandle him, weakly trying to assist to rip off the clothes. Down to his underwear, Steve pushes Danny into the shower, turning on the water. Steve doesn’t even notice his own clothes getting wet in the process. All he can think of is how the water will help Danny, how the warmth will calm his trembling body. 

Danny slides to the ground, not able to hold himself upright on his own. He’s leaning against the wall, arms holding his legs to his chest, the water from above mixing with his tears.

Steve squeezes his partner’s knee. “I will be right back, okay? I will be right back.” 

With that he steps back, walking into the living room, not noticing the trail of wet footsteps he’s leaving on the floor. 

He can hear Danny cry. He can hear him break inside that shower stall and it’s all Steve can do now, giving Danny that time and space to break, so he can pick him up again after.

Steve let’s himself slide down the wall, mirroring his partner’s position. And, listening to Danny’s screams, he shoves a fist against his mouth and lets the tears come, lets it all come out until he’s ready to go back in there again and be the strong friend that Danny needs right now.

 

When Danny comes back out, after Steve had showered quickly in the upstairs bathroom himself, it’s on his own two feet. He seems calmer now, his mind clearer. Steve’s catching the look on Danny’s face and the hurt and despair have been replaced by a deep, hollow sadness that’s almost worse.

“I’ll make you something to eat,” Steve says and hands Danny a change of clothes. They will be too big on him but it doesn’t matter. They’re warm and dry and something untouched by the horror of what they’ve been through.

“I’m not hungry,” Danny says weakly when Steve comes back with a sandwich and a glass of water. 

Steve shakes his head. “I don’t care. You haven’t eaten in over 24 hours. Eat the sandwich and drink that glass of water and I’ll leave you alone, okay?”

It’s scary how Danny doesn’t even put up a fight. He just nods, grabbing for the sandwich and Steve keeps his eyes on him, making sure the whole thing goes down. 

“Feeling a bit better?” Steve asks once Danny is finished. His partner nods shortly. His skin is still paler than usual and his eyes hollow, but his hands have stopped fidgeting and Steve counts it as a small win.

“I’m sorry, Danno.” It’s feels weird and long overdue to say it now. And Steve has said it countless times over the last hours. But now Danny looks at him, the words seeming to really get through to him this time.

Danny clenches his jaw, nodding again.

Steve blinks away the tears in his own eyes and pulls his partner in for a hug. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers against Danny’s temple, placing a kiss there. He wants to take a step back then, let Danny be, but his partner tightens his hold around him.

When their eyes meet, there’s a different look on Danny’s face. 

And the next second he’s kissing him. Steve’s too shocked to respond at first, the signals in his brain slowed down so much he only registers what’s happening when Danny has already pulled him closer.

The kiss is soft, careful, barely there, and Steve’s finds himself kissing back for a split second before he tastes the salt on his lips.  
Tears.

“Danno,” Steve breathes. He pulls back just enough to embrace his partner properly, his heart hammering in his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Danny barely gets the words out, his face buried against Steve’s shoulder, and Steve’s not even sure what Danny’s apologizing for. The kiss? Matty?

It doesn’t matter much. Steve shakes his head. “Don’t be, man. Don’t be.” And then he pulls his partner closer, holding him until the sobbing ebbs down. Holding him until Danny can barely stay awake anymore, exhaustion finally taking over.

Steve leads Danny to his own bed. He tucks him in, takes a cushion and a blanket for himself and settles on the sofa in the living room. Steve doesn’t have trouble falling asleep. It’s the dreams that haunt him. It’s Matty and Reyes. It’s Danny killing that guy, staring him directly in the face. It’s Danny kissing him. Danny crying.

When Steve wakes up the next morning, he still doesn’t know what to make of it. And Danny doesn’t say a word.


End file.
